BLACKSITE

I keep imagining that one day I'll wake up and not be me.

I've found that life tends to consist of insult after betrayal after disappointment.

To live in the year 2016-- especially to be unable to escape American society-- is not worth living. No better argument for nihilism could have been created intentionally. From the very beginning, our society was founded on a great lie, and nothing, really has changed. Children to this day are taught the rhyme of Columbus; that the American Revolution was a tea party over taxes, and that black people are now equal.

If I could, I would take a giant literary shit on all of it, but it would be nothing compared to the painstaking efforts of unfathomable heroes like Noam Chomsky and Howard Zinn.

I'm just a divorced loser whose body is ripping itself apart. I pay money I don't have for X-rays, physical therapy, and Gabapentin. I like to write because I love to hear myself talk, just like every other retarded fuckface in the universe. It's just about all I can do anymore.

I'm supposed to think about how other people have it worse than me, and they do. Hell knows they do. There are people who probably have the same kind of nerve pain that I do, and they're in jail, or being Tronald Dumped in a CIA black site in Qatar, or a sex slave somewhere there aren't many network-ready cameras. There are people right now having their vaginas or assholes ripped apart, or their dicks cut off and fed to them. There are babies and toddlers being smashed against walls. There are heads coming apart in the street. There is rape beyond what any filmmaker could imagine. Rape of life itself, by people who share an ancestor with apes, but who have convinced themselves of some kind of divine origin.

I'm just throwing my hat in the ring of also being fucked while strangers watch.

If I'm lucky, I'll wake up tomorrow, and we'll all be debriefed that the simulation is over; or at least, I'll wake up and be someone else.  Someone with rich parents, and I can just take some better, more powerful pill, and roll back over, and go back to sleep.

If you have rich parents, you can do whatever you want. It's completely meaningless, but at least you don't have to suffer in pain while the world you've helped murder spasms in agony.

I truly hate all of us and I can't wait for our extinction.

A scare is a not-so-secret wish.